Posted tagged ‘fatigue’

Why me??

May 31, 2012

If you are like me you have asked that question a hundred times.  Why do I have severe fibromyalgia, why do I have osteoarthritis, why do I have lower back issues,  why do I have constant pain, why do I have to be so fatigued, why did I have to quit my career at a company that I loved, why did this have to affect my family so much, why did this happen to me so my family has to worry about me, why do I have to have fibro fog, etc.

I mostly ask these questions when I have a high pain level that makes my fibro fog increase as well.  When this happens I can’t think clearly and I feel like the weight of this illness is crashing down around me.

When I ask myself these questions I normally think that if someone in our family had to have this illness and suffer so much – WELL, I would rather it be me that anyone else.  I wouldn’t want my husband or children have constant pain and fatigue along with a list of symptoms as long as my arm.  I wouldn’t want my parents, mother-in-law, or brothers to have this terrible, chronic illness.  So if I had to choose…. I would rather it be me.  I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone!  I am trying to cope and accept this illness, but it is very difficult.  If only I could have one day without pain, or one hour without pain, or EVEN one minute without pain, I would give anything and give God the glory.  Fibro fog is the symptom that I hate the most, but the pain is all consuming and never stops.  I am always somewhere on the pain scale of 1 to 10 – I normally stay somewhere between a 3 to a 10.  A question that my husband asks me frequently throughout the day is “What is your pain level?”  It is like he is my caretaker, but he like to know so he can better help me at the time.  We have been married 32 years and he is a keeper.  He wants to help take care of me the best that he can and tells me frequently that he will always take care of me.  This is very comforting to know because there are people out there that are single or single parents that don’t have the awesome support that I have from my husband.  I don’t know how they cope.  I guess if you have to you just do it.

My husband and I talk frequently about why I have this illness.  We think that maybe it is so we can help others that are dealing with an illness or pain of any kind  in their life.  Sometimes it is all I can do to just take care of myself and then sometimes I am able to get out a little and I will run across an opportunity to help others.  I also blog and post on facebook to hopefully help others and in return it helps me as well.

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this and how you cope with the question “Why me?”

I wish for you a low pain day with extra energy! 

Fatigue

May 14, 2012

I am so fatigued today I can barely think.  Fatigue is ever-present in patients with fibromyalgia.  I have spent many days in bed, on the couch, frequent naps, etc.  When my boys were younger they used to call the couch Mama’s charger (like a phone charger).  I preferred to rest on the couch so I could be with them and they got used to me being on “my charger” frequently to get some energy back.  Fibro patients get pretty good at fooling others concerning hiding fatigue and pain.  Sometimes I just HAVE to go to bed and get rest, but normally I try to take frequent rests in a lounge chair, on the couch, etc.  I find that I do better if I try to push myself a little rather than just staying in bed.  I am in CONSTANT pain and never get a break from it.  My Rheumatologist told me a few years ago that it appeared that I had Severe Fibromyalgia and that I would probably continue to have substantial pain and fatigue.  He also said that I would get to where I could tolerate the pain better and I thought he was simply crazy!  I reminded him about 6 months ago what he told me and that at the time I thought he was crazy, because how could anyone tolerate so much pain….. but I do.

The other day I went out to lunch with a good friend and we stopped by a store to pick up some flowers.  After a few minutes I told her that I had to go home because I was starting to crash.  She knew I was tired by that time and asked if I was in pain.  I told her that I am always in pain and yes the pain was getting to be too much and I needed to go home.  She had no idea that I had been hurting the entire time at lunch and the few minutes at the store.  I mentioned earlier that I was “starting to crash”.  What I mean by this is my fatigue is getting too great and I am going to have to lay down very soon.  I don’t do much shopping and I have been out before by myself and had to call my Mother-in-law to come and get me.  We leave my car there while she takes me home and my husband and boys go back later to pick up my car.  Once I was at a local grocery store for a few items and I got to the check-out and realized that I was about to crash.  Luckily one of our sons worked at the grocery store at the time and I asked the manager if my son could take me home since I didn’t feel well and we lived close.  He very kindly let my son take me home and unload my groceries while I went to bed.  W-E-L-L   ……. I am about to crash now so I need to stop for the day and go get some rest.

I wish for you and low pain day and extra energy!

My Fibromyalgia Story updated due to FIBRO FOG

May 11, 2012

Well, this morning I was rereading my blog from yesterday and realized I had left out some KEY people in helping over the years as I have struggled in living with Severe Fibromyalgia.  This is due to Fibro Fog that clouds my mind and doesn’t let the necessary connections be made so I can think clearly, be able to complete sentences when I am talking, or remember even half of my past.  I will do a blog soon on Fibro Fog and talk indepth about it.

My mother-in-law, Nina, has helped with everything from activities with the boys or anything they wanted to do (including playing baseball with her in the backyard), cleaning my house, cooking us meals, etc.  She lives only a minute away and has been here in a minutes notice when I have needed her.  She helped us raise the boys when I was still able to work, she took them to spend the night with her on Friday nights to give me and my husband some quiet time, she has been a good friend that they can talk to about anything, and even though two of the boys are away at college they still have traditions that they continue to do with her.  To mention only a couple – One is spending the night with her on New Year’s Eve, staying up, and celebrating.  They still like to go and watch ball games with her at her house, and visit with her when they come home.  They have been doing these traditions since they were very little and enjoy time with her.  My mother-in-law has been a BIG part of our family throughout the years.  She is at an age that I should be taking care of her, although she is still very healthy and even still walks 2 miles a day.  So… with my illness she takes care of our family as needed.  Yesterday she came over and swept & mopped my kitchen floor!  She helps my husband and boys do the things that I am no longer able to do.  Praise God for her!

My parents, brothers, family, and friends have prayed for me throughout this ordeal.  They live about 4 hours away so they can’t just drive over when needed.  I am thankful for being able to talk to them on the phone to get comfort and for their continued prayers.

Our 3 boys stepped up to the plate to take care of whatever needed to be done (shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc)  We have always been very close and it was difficult when they started missing more and more time with me because I was in bed too fatigued to get up,  When I was awake they would come in my room to talk and be with me as much as they could.  At my worst we had one child, Kyle, living out of the home and two at home.  Kyle would come over and help us as needed.  Our middle son, Tyler, used to come home from school at lunch when he was 15 – 17 to make and bring me lunch to my bed, offer to do anything that I needed, kept me company, and also would tell me jokes or do/say something that would make me laugh.  He and our youngest son, Ryan, would come home after school to be with me and help around the house instead of going out with friends.  This is something I will forever be grateful for.  All three of them have grown into nice, kind-hearted young men.

Thanks for reading my blog and if you have Fibromyalgia may you have a low pain day with extra energy! 

My Fibromyalgia Story

May 10, 2012

Welcome to my new blog.  This is my story.

I have Severe Fibromyalgia which causes me constant pain and fatigue among many other symptoms.  I have had Fibromyalgia for many years but just didn’t know what it was.  At first it started with aches and pain that others didn’t seem to have at my age of around 30 years old.  By 40 the fatigue and pain increased and since a doctor brushed it off a few years prior with “You work full-time and have a husband and 3 children – you should be tired and have pain”, I thought that since I had turned the BIG 4-0 that MAYBE this was to be expected.  Then it quickly became apparent that this was more than turning 40 so I started with my doctor.  It wasn’t long that I made an appointment with an internal medicine doctor that sent me on to a Rheumatologist.  The Rheumatologist diagnosed me with SEVERE Fibromyalgia since my pain and fatigue was so great.  Over the next two years I tried numerous medications with little to no help with the fatigue and pain.  I had a career in financial institutions and had worked with my current employer for almost 20 years.  I had worked my way up to management and enjoyed my career.  By age 44 my fibromyalgia had become so severe that I was using a sleeping bag and pillow at work to rest in the morning before work, at lunch, and during the day as needed.  I had an office that I could close my door and blinds and my boss and employees were understanding and knew that I was very ill.  I could no longer drive myself to work or do anything at home.  My husband and boys took over all housework and all I could do was get up, take a shower, sleep/rest as my husband drove me to work, use my sleeping bag and pillow as needed during the day, sleep/rest as my husband drove me home, and crawl into bed for the night.  When I was 45 my Rheumatologist told me I could no longer work and gave me the dreaded note of “Ginger will no longer be able to work even for the forseeable future”.  I spent 2 years in bed only getting up to go to the bathroom and take a shower.  My husband or children would bring my meals to my bed because I was so weak and it was difficult for me to stay up long.  I was nauseated most of the time so I mostly ate hot cereal (The only thing besides bread and cheese that I normally ate). I have continued to see my Rheumatologist every 3 months or as needed.  I also have developed osteoarthritis that makes my joints painful in addition to the pain of fibromyalgia.  I have tried numerous medications and currently taking Lyrica that seems to give me a little relief along with other medications.  I am now able to do light housework, get out of the house a little, and spend time with my family.  I have learned that I have to conserve my energy and my main “job” is taking care of my health.  Daily life with fibromyalgia is very difficult but livable.  I hope you enjoy my blog.


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