Why me??

If you are like me you have asked that question a hundred times.  Why do I have severe fibromyalgia, why do I have osteoarthritis, why do I have lower back issues,  why do I have constant pain, why do I have to be so fatigued, why did I have to quit my career at a company that I loved, why did this have to affect my family so much, why did this happen to me so my family has to worry about me, why do I have to have fibro fog, etc.

I mostly ask these questions when I have a high pain level that makes my fibro fog increase as well.  When this happens I can’t think clearly and I feel like the weight of this illness is crashing down around me.

When I ask myself these questions I normally think that if someone in our family had to have this illness and suffer so much – WELL, I would rather it be me that anyone else.  I wouldn’t want my husband or children have constant pain and fatigue along with a list of symptoms as long as my arm.  I wouldn’t want my parents, mother-in-law, or brothers to have this terrible, chronic illness.  So if I had to choose…. I would rather it be me.  I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone!  I am trying to cope and accept this illness, but it is very difficult.  If only I could have one day without pain, or one hour without pain, or EVEN one minute without pain, I would give anything and give God the glory.  Fibro fog is the symptom that I hate the most, but the pain is all consuming and never stops.  I am always somewhere on the pain scale of 1 to 10 – I normally stay somewhere between a 3 to a 10.  A question that my husband asks me frequently throughout the day is “What is your pain level?”  It is like he is my caretaker, but he like to know so he can better help me at the time.  We have been married 32 years and he is a keeper.  He wants to help take care of me the best that he can and tells me frequently that he will always take care of me.  This is very comforting to know because there are people out there that are single or single parents that don’t have the awesome support that I have from my husband.  I don’t know how they cope.  I guess if you have to you just do it.

My husband and I talk frequently about why I have this illness.  We think that maybe it is so we can help others that are dealing with an illness or pain of any kind  in their life.  Sometimes it is all I can do to just take care of myself and then sometimes I am able to get out a little and I will run across an opportunity to help others.  I also blog and post on facebook to hopefully help others and in return it helps me as well.

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think about this and how you cope with the question “Why me?”

I wish for you a low pain day with extra energy! 

Explore posts in the same categories: Coping with a chronic illness, Fibromyalgia

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12 Comments on “Why me??”

  1. I’ve never asked myself that question. Mostly, I just say I’m tired of being tired. Now, I’m tired of saying that all the time. I’m realizing here of late that talking about being tired, or what’s hurting me at the moment only makes me focus on the problem, which makes me feel worse. I can’t ignore the pain or fatigue, that’s for sure. It’s always there. But, I’m trying to push through it and think of myself as the healthy, pain-free person I want to be. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but it’s the best I’ve come up with so far.

    I do agree with you – I wouldn’t wish this mess on anyone. It’s horrible. I hate being limited, but it is what it is, I guess. Keep your chin up!

  2. OH THE WHYS?…. they get me EVERYDAY, i feel your pain and I AM SO SORRY, i often feel bad for myself, i can’t help it. i felt alone for so long. and the one person who REALLY UNDERSTOOD ME,(my sister) has died a couple years ago,(mom and my daughter are supportive,) but i try to hide a lot from them.my ex of 23 years NEVER GOT IT. BUT since then i have LEFT THE EX AND fell in love with a great man, who doesn’t fully understand, but tries so hard and researches the fibro for me:) and rubs me down everyday and makes me slow down(which is good) so nice haven support, we are lucky. ahh FIBRO FOG…..Is so bad in the morning because i am literally in a daze for a few hours,I cannot think AT ALL, I HATE IT, I AM GRUMPY AND SNAPPY(is this normal?) the cloud usually lifts after a few hours, but i am easily confused and memory is horrible, i thought it was not associated with fibro fog, but i see now it is fibro fog just at a different level. which i can deal with. as happy as i am, that i am not the only person feeling this way. it brings me to tears(literally) reading your blog. i feel for you, and just know as i have learned we are not alone, im here if you ever need an ear to vent. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, I know it’s tough for them too:( PEACE MY FRIEND, HOPE YOU FIND SOME RELIEF TODAY.

    • Ginger Ray Says:

      Thanks so much for your comments. Yes, sometimes we feel like nobody else understands UNTIL you talk to another fibro person. Yes, it is “normal” for us to be grumpy and snappy – when we are in pain and can’t think clearly our emotions are the last thing on our mind. My husband is real understanding but he will tell me when I come across hateful or snappy. I don’t realize it at the time and it helps me be more aware of it. God bless you and I hope you find some relief today as well. Remember…. we are in this together. That is why we are blogging.


  3. NZ Cate Says:

    Yes, I often find myself asking why, and somehow I switch my brain off before I can give myself an answer. It’s like it’s too hard to face that at the moment. But I like what you suggest and I’m so happy for you that your husband is such a good support. I am on my own and I think the people around me regularly forget (it’s easier) that I am always in pain, let along in the middle of fibro fog.

    • Ginger Ray Says:

      I and here for you anytime. It is important for us to help each other. If you don’t have fibro you don’t truly understand what we go through. Hang in there!

  4. we will be our own support system, i am here for you both as well, hugs and PEACE, i do hope you found some relief today, was thinking of you.

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